are you so shy because you have an std?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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