4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
