was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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