so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
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He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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