Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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