I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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