Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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