You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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