I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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