If i come over, it means nothing
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
