i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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