I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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