I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
