The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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