Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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