I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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