she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
