there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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