I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
