Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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