Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
