pop tarts are not kleenex
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
