FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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