dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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