nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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