I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
