Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
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so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
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I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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