I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
