Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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