Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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