I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
