Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
two words...techno handjob
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
