hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
