he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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