Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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