i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
All the doctor said was why
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
