U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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