yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
