She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
