I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
