So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
