i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
