Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
