Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
