It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
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It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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