Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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