You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
