thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
