just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
