Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
