all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I have peed in a lot of sinks
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
