I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
