so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
