as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
