I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
