Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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