could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
