I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
