i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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