I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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