Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
