rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
