i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
