Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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