I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
